mancuniasdevil (mancuniasdevil) wrote in johnkerry04,

Memo From Osama

On this day of tragedy for our country i feel like making it a little humorous


From: Bin Laden, Osama

To: All Al Queda Fighters

Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've
really come together as a group and I love that! However, while
we are fighting jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly
I have a few concerns:

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles,
we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave.
We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) -
so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning roster - have you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave
reception area (next to the halal toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the shit out of most of the world's population,

That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your
scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote
"Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my
Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must
distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not
chant "Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey.

Five: Graffiti. Whoever wrote "OSAMA F_*KS DONKEYS" on the
group mtoilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old
excuse that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at
the edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys,
there is a grey area.)

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in
disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots, Group Hug. Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my
laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.
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